the past few days have been kind of weird because i feel very empty.

big changes in life are really starting to get set in motion.

this past sunday i had to say goodbye to a very dear friend of mine that's been there with me since the first day of high school. school, church, and everything else. i remember saying goodbye to another close friend of mine that's been there since my first day in elementary in rancho cucamonga until the end of middle school. i always feel like im whining about saying farewell to people but i guess that's a complex that i have. but no big worries, im not letting them affect me too much. i'm not scared of anything. just got wishful thoughts that i could have done better. i like to think that life's more pleasant when i think to myself that i could have done better. in a bad light it may seem as regrets but i dont like to see it that way, because it gives me something to wait and work for. its always better to know that things could get better and that i can be a better person.

changes are inevitable and i can't expect things to always remain but im thinking that going back home to rancho cucamonga will be tougher now that kiwan is gone too. haaa i remember thinkin to myself that this guy is a somewhat sensitive guy who sought reassurances that he's loved. i wonder if he knows that he'll be greatly missed and that he's leavin a pretty big void in our lives by being gone. i feel like i didnt really get to say a good enough bye to him. i know i should have done more to help with some of the hardships he was going through. did you know that it was pretty tough to see you go? see you soon