it's only wednesday

i'm dead tired and i'm not going to bother using capitalization in this post. it's enough i use punctuation lol. well work's more fun than taking classes. but its definitely more stressful. i can't believe its only wednesday. i can't believe i still got almost 3 minus 5 months of military service. it's insane. they say it's the same as working any other full-time job because i get weekends off. but its not true. as humans we are so heavily impacted by the visual things that the military life significantly decreases the quality of life. dammnnnn i'm too lazy to elaborate but i'll do so anyway. oh damn why did i write my last sentence i just wasted more energy. even this last one. and the last one. and this one. and so on. what the hell. anyways, in the civilian world, we are constantly reminded of the good things in life/society through the awesome industrial developments we've made as mankind, plus everyone that lives in it who strive to show off their most attractive looks. like i said, they're reminders of the good things in this world, a.k.a what we're all trying to pursue (most of us). they validate hope. they provide vicarious pleasure. they make us happy for at least a few moments- and they're enough to keep us going.

wow what a freaking run-on of thoughts. retarded. but this is fun. just writing whatever that's coming to my mind. well guess what i'm cracked out like crazy, and i don't think i'm crazy. there's someone that i really miss. i don't know if i miss that person or the feeling of being loved and the feeling of loving. but either way i'm content with my life as long as i have at least one worthwhile person to hang out on the weekends and my wallet carries money. after a while you get used to anything, even when things get bad. but the wishlist gets longer and longer right. have you ever had a huge to-do list at work and proceeded to scribble them off one by one. that is an awesome feeling. why cant we do that in life? perhaps because the amount of time required for a "wish" is much much bigger than that of an item on a to-do list. just takes patience. but then who says we have all the time in the world? but who says we dont? but when's the right time then? what defines a "right time?"

oh fuck it. just shut the fuck up and enjoy the moment. if you're craving some fucking hot cheetos and you eat that shit, it's the best tasting thing in the entire universe. the pleasure would be greater than or equal to having the juiciest steak or the most expensive course meal. same shit. it's all about your attitude.

why can't it be like that with girls though LOL........ it's just got to be the right one. well that's why im probably not gettin some. maybe i should. maybe im just retarded and can never learn from my mistakes. fuck it imma be single for the rest of my life

New Beginning (A Good One)

So I am the operations manager of Air Traffic Control & Aeronautical Field Operations Squadron at the 16th Fighter Wing Air Base of Republic of Korea Air Force. My first week at work has been splendid. As the 3rd person in command, I have 55 people of ages ranging from 19-53 working under me, and they pay me a lot of respect for a 22 year old dude who just got there with considerably less work experience than them. All this sounds like bullcrap right. Something's got to be off............... but this is the military and I believe that I have rightfully earned my place there through everything I've been through since March this year. Plus the 22 years I've lived through all the experiences and lessons, good and bad.

Got my first taste of power and authority........... It's a huge change from everything that I've been used to. Leadership- It's like a juicy and hearty steak meal with lots of mash potatoes and all of that. It comes with lots of power (calories) but I've got to use it all in the right places to make good use of them. Or else things will just get detrimental.
What a terrible simile but I also mentioned this because it "tastes" good. I feel so confident in the right ways. Yet I feel this huge pressure. I get pretty close to being scared at times that I might disappoint others and become a burden. But I'm not letting myself get there. Confidence is 50% of everything I do. Whether it's objectively true or not, I'm going to put that on myself in everything I do from now on.

Can you notice the little bit (no actually a lot) of confidence booster in the first paragraph? Lol............

But then again who am I talking to? 

Good bye city of jinjuuu

Just left jinju right now. Ive lived here for 7.5months now. Ever since i left america and enlisted in the military. For some reason i feel like time went by fast. I prayed to God once to help me regain my composure by the time i left here. And he answered my prayer. Im leaving with a much lighter heart.

Perhaps the most difficult 8months of my life so far? hmm it doesnt matter and im over it. Difficult times in my life are often like this. Theyre always painful to the core in the process but i always react like its my first time. This can be both good and bad. Id be in so much pain all at once but id quickly do whatever to get over them. 

But a few feelings still remain. Lets see where and how i can channel these thoughts. Mmmmmmmmm

the reason for this post: as i left the gates of the jinju command, the song “in my place” by coldplay came on. How corny but appropriate. Moments like these are interesting. 

P.s. Im Fucking glad im out of there. LOL

What is up

It's been a while since I wrote my thoughts down. So this time I'm going to make a quick list of my recent thoughts and realizations:

1) A big part of being lonely is, ironically, the fear of being lonely.

2) Honesty isn't the answer. In fact, honesty sucks. People aren't ready for honesty, nor do they want it. There's very little capacity for honesty in today's society and its components such as work, romance, friendship, etc. -family is an exception though.

3) Constantly making plans and being excited for them makes life happier. Here, the actual outcome of the plans don't matter as much as the happy anticipation for them.

4) Before attempting something, a combination of optimism and confidence already gives a person 50% of what he's looking to achieve.

5) The search for one's place in this world surely is a painful one, but it has the potential to be massively interesting. Hmm